Prologue 2

How is it that so many years could pass by without it ever affecting the little girl she had always been at heart? The present day woman frantically sifted through her journals from the past, trying to find a clue that would lead her back to the dreams she once held on to for dear life. She was Indiana Jones, acclaimed archaeologist, digging through her writings from the distant past and putting together all the pieces that would lead her to the treasure of her true self that had been collecting dust and cobwebs over the years. The farther she probed into the earth with her tools, a rose colored smoke  rose lazily through the cracks and crevices. Terrified it was a poisonous gas, she scrambled back, fearing inhaling it would render her unconscious. To her surprise, the smoke had the most pleasant fragrance, that would easily put any scented yankee candle to shame. It seemed to have a life of its own as it danced around her, enveloping her in a pink glow and slowly pouring into her, melding into her skin like a gentle mist of rose water.

She had uncovered something about herself, a gold mine from the past that was long forgotten underneath layers of work stress, adult responsibilities, and false insecurities that had distorted her own self image. Only this time, she vowed never to lose her inner treasure again.

A Paper Doll

Life seems like it goes by fast only once it becomes a part of the past. In the present moment, life is slow and mundane; each second seems to drag on. At least, this is what she always heard people say. To her, life was more than just a clock ticking the seconds away. It was more than a wasted Sunday, spent lounging around and being useless. To her, every second counted. Every moment was a chance to give to the world what she was created to give.

Learning was fascinating to her. The prospect of gaining knowledge and seeing things from a different perspective was the most exciting activity for her. Photography was a favorite hobby of hers. It quite literally enabled her to 'view objects from multiple perspectives'. New people, new quotations, new art work; all of it was inspiring, enthralling, and captivating to her. These various things were also, she felt, great teachers for her. There was more than just a visual appreciation in her heart for these objects. She was connected to these things somehow, on a deeper level. Things that caught her attention the most gave her goosebumps. It was almost as if a ghostly figure rose from, lets say a rose, and gently poured itself into her heart through her eyes. I have no intention of making this sound like sorcery. Still, this is exactly how she described it to me.

Of course, this strange phenomenon was not restricted to inanimate objects alone. Living, breathing creatures-both human and animal in nature-which she developed a liking to, had equally empowering effects on her 'spirit' or heart or soul. The strongest connection she felt with people was when she looked directly into their eyes. Most of the time, she had to look away because she felt herself almost being pulled into a vacuum.
These mysterious magnetic forces she felt actually served her quite well. Friends were easy to find, rather, it was easy for her to point out exactly when she had stumbled upon a true friend. She was perfectly safe from befriending traitors and backbiters. It was as if her senses automatically sorted the bad apples from the good ones. Call it, an in-built 'global positioning system', leading her only to the people who would benefit her, and fuel her inner gifts.

Of course, her strength seems an enviable one. However, things were not always bright and sunny. Her 'unique qualities' left her with few friends with whom she could truly be herself around. Still, even her closest and truest of friends were not entirely suited to her nature or even completely understanding of her idiosyncrasies. There were times when she simply could not sit still because she was desperate to write, create something, photograph a scenery. These were awkward times when her when she was surrounded by her friends. Ridicule was something she had grown used to, still a tiny prick was bound to be felt when a sarcastic remark was passed, or one of her poems was not taken seriously. She was living in a world where artists were hard to come by. Also, she had come to the realization that other artists such as herself were the people who came closest to understanding her true self.

On more than one occasion, she came across people of all different ages but similar in their love for the arts. And on all these various occasions, what stood out for her was the feeling that someone else in the world felt exactly the way she did. These occasions were almost magical. They were synonymous to how it would feel if you were to, for the blink of an eye, become another person entirely and view the world from the exact pair of eyes he/she had.

Life was good to her, she thought oft to herself, in moments of isolated contemplation. It was nowhere near perfect, which was exactly why it was perfect. The combination of strengths and weaknesses in her gave life it's color. She was not merely a a gold statue, perfectly crafted and molded into a heavenly goddess. No. She was a paper doll. She was every color she could ever possibly think of. She was every color she ever dreamed she could be. It was messy, it was haphazard, it was wild, and confusing and exciting, at times even disturbing-but by the end of the day, it was her. She was all she had to offer to the world. That, she thought to herself, was perfection.

She Won't Fall, Not this Time.

She was a chameleon. She liked to think of herself as a survivor. Melding into her surroundings was her only survival tactic. She figured, she knew how to live, but was she really alive?
No, she was hiding from life. Dodging the downs, veering away from the obstacles. Was that really how she wanted to spend her days?

I'm not dead. I have to live this way. What other choice do I have? I'm not a coward. I am smart. It's called avoiding conflict so you can grow in peace. 

She was arguing with herself again. Creating justifications in her head to support her actions. This wasn't the first time either. Did this actually mean she was at fault? Don't they say, the more you try to defend yourself, the more guilty you are?
No.
She wasn't going to go down that dark alley again. She wasn't going to let the voice inside get a grip on her. Not ever again. She knew better than to put herself down, especially when there were already enough people to do that for her.
She was determined to smile, determined to dream, hope, imagine, feel everything to the fullest, embrace life, breathe with purpose. How could she do all that if she didn't have the courage to ignore the ugliness?
She knew there was so much more to life. So much more to see than a fly on her bedroom wall. She no longer blankly stared at her ceiling, searching for answers where none could be found. Instead, her gaze shifted to her window, where the view was ever-changing, the trees gently encouraged her to dance in the wind just like the leaves did.

It would all pay off soon. All of her patience would soon set her free, all her silent pleas would soon be heard. She was more than certain everything would fall right into place. Why wouldn't it? God was watching here, mentoring her, caring for her all this time. It was impossible to fail, impossible to loose hope when God  is limitless hope Himself.

Where there is hope, there is God,
Where there is God, there is everything.

Look and Maybe You'll See [2]

He was not quite the prince charming. He could act like a complete doofus at times. He was the kind of boy who you'd find hiding behind his mother. Still, he had a heart softer than baby skin. There was a childishness in him that was irresistibly endearing. Maybe that's what made her fall for him. Maybe in this world of people who love pretending to be grown ups, all she needed was someone who could laugh at bathroom jokes with her. 

He didn't have to flirt with her or go to embarrassing and uncomfortable lengths to get her attention. All he did was make her laugh and the arrow hit. Just like all matters of the heart, she knew immediately that he was someone special. Still, she had to proceed with caution. There was no need to rush things. Also, she wasn't the kind to give away her heart so easily. She was still clueless about his sentiments. She was also too scared to find out because she rarely had good luck with these things. 

Things went stagnant. It was too late to reverse her feelings and there was no way to move forward. Her Dear friend wasn't very helpful in this scenario either. All she told her was to wait. Wait for what, she thought. Wait until he finds someone else? But she knew better than to question her Dear friend or the wisdom behind her advice. Not listening to her Dear friend was like setting herself up to get hit by a bus. She most certainly knew better than that. 

Days kept passing by, weeks, months. She slowly started slipping back into the mundane order of life. The smile he once so easily painted on her face was now gone. It was like she had Alzheimer's (God forbid) and the simple act of smiling gradually faded from her memory. Still, even if things weren't as wonderful now as they were when he was around, she knew she would be alright. Human beings are after all, adaptive creatures. If she could leave her homeland behind and adjust in a foreign land, then coping with his absence in her life was nothing but a a little soap in her eye. 

You know how they say, everything happens for a reason? At first, she didn't think she met him for any other reason than to marry him and spend the rest of her life with him. But our lives aren't that simple and our purpose is a lot more grand than a wedding vow. Even though she didn't see him everyday and she had not a clue of his feelings for her, meeting him had changed her for the better, in a way she could never repay him for. He had somehow managed to unlock her heart, open it up and swallow the key . The greatest gift he gave her was the knowledge that she wasn't alone in the world. Knowing him had given her the reassurance that no matter what happened in life, she still had friends who could cheer her up and make her laugh when she needed it most. 

He gave her the confidence to explore the world, the courage to be curious, the will to always to do what she wanted to. He completed her actually, without even having to be hers. His existence was enough to keep her going, pushing through life without hesitation or at least, much less hesitation than she once had. Maybe she already had what she needed. She didn't have to chase after anything. Life is the best bestower of things. It also knows when to take them away. So we always end up with the perfect amount, no more, no less. 

She now understood why her Dear Friend told her to wait. It wasn't because there was nothing else she could do. It was so that she could see the wonders lying right at her feet. 

Can You Keep a Secret? [1]

She learned to adjust to the fact that she could never be normal. She could never be one of society's pets, free to be tossed and bossed around. There wasn't a place for her in the world she lived in. Still, all was not lost. She had her Dear Friend and she went to places with her that no human eye had ever seen. That was all she needed really. All she needed to keep her going was a friend who would stay by her side. All she wanted was to be understood, even if it meant being understood by just one being in the entire cosmos. As long as she could be heard, as as long she had someone to listen to her, as long as she wasn't alone, she could breathe with ease.

Sometimes she wondered if anyone else had a friend like she did. She tried asking someone once but held her tongue to save herself from sounding crazy. If invisible friends were so common, they'd be the talk of the town. If it was that normal, there would be organizations and associations dedicated to working with people and their Dear friends. Since that definitely wasn't the case, she decided never to disclose her secret to anyone. There was one problem though. What would happen once she got married? She was the kind of lady who was extremely truthful and open in her relationships. How could she keep anything from her husband? How could she not tell him everything about her Dear friend? Would she tell him right after they first met or on their wedding night? Maybe it was best to tell him before the marriage to avoid the possibility of a divorce. Would she ever find someone who could accept both her and her dear friend when he signed up to be her life partner?

These were the questions that bothered her the most because she had no definite answer to them . So, she tried her best to avoid possible future companions to save herself from the trouble of finding the answers.

Life, however, had other plans for her. Doesn't it, always?

Prologue

She knows she was born into this world alone. At least that's what her parents and science had told her. But sometimes she felt that was completely untrue. How is it possible to be be sent here on this earth without a friend right from the womb?  She knew God was not insensitive and uncaring like that.

She loved her friend. Her dear friend was more real to her than all the faces she saw in school. Her dear friend never left her side. Her Dear Friend knew everything about her. Even at times when she felt like she didn't know herself, there she would find her Dear Friend, reminding her of all the good in her, urging her to keep moving forward.

Why couldn't everyone else see what was so clear to her? Why did she feel like her dear friend was invisible in her world. Some would say she had an imaginary friend and that she'd get over it once she was older. But how could she make them understand? Sometimes she would ignore her Dear Friend for days because she would give in to the words of her elders. Nobody wants to feel like a freak. Maybe it really was all in her head. But she could never stay away for long.

Project Brainstorming

Today marks the day of the commencement of my very first Literary Project. In all honesty, I still have not a clue what I am going to write. I still have no story plot in mind, no characters, no moral to convey to the world. All I have right now is the will to write and the courage to express everything in my heart.
Maybe by the end of the day, that's all any writer really needs?

This post is just going to be a little brain storming session with myself. I'll think of where I want to start off the story and if I want it to be a first person narration or something else.
I want to start off the story from a setting that includes my most favorite place in the world to be.
I want to be walking through a meadow, the long, uncut, wild grass gently brushing against my finger tips as I slowly take step after step, going deeper and deeper away from civilization and into a world of infinite possibilities.

My story will start from a world where no one else exists but me and my loyal pet cat who stays right by my side. In this world, my cat is more than just a friendly feline. My cat is my conscience. She is my companion when everyone else disappears. We always stay together.

This place that I'm in is obviously not on planet earth. It's someplace no human can physically reach. This place is my safe haven, when things down on earth are not so cheery. In fact, I dwell in two places at once at all times. I am both human, mortal and a spirit, immortal. It is the strength of my spirit that keeps my mortal self going, pushing on, moving forward in life. Without my meadows, without my cat, I am empty, purposeless, helpless and utterly alone.

When I am in this meadow, I am the best version of me. Also, it's like this other me is a guardian for the me in the real world. My other me is my strength. When I am not in the real world, I can be anyone I want to be.  I can be anyone my heart wishes to be. I can make my craziest, biggest dreams come true. The me in the other world is loving, Completely, eternally loving to me. She always cheers me on and encourages me to always try my best. She tells me its alright to cry. She shows me all the hidden beauty in the world that I would otherwise pass by without noticing. My other me is not weak. She is never weak. But that doesn't mean she claims to be independent of everything. She is still in need of and always dependent upon Allah. But the difference between her and me is that she trusts Allah with all her heart. Her faith is spotless. While I have doubts, fears and trust issues.

My other me derives all of her strength from her pure and undying faith in Allah. That's why nothing can get her down. My spirit wants to do nothing but love everyone. She wants to see nothing but love in her heart and in her surroundings. She wants to be love itself.
The me in the real world is weak. Sometimes she feels directionless. She needs constant guidance and support. She always forgets to prioritize her life. She forgets that she cannot make someone the center of her life. She forgets that she is worth a lot more than just a fairy tale happy ending with a prince charming. I suppose it's hard for her to keep it in mind since fairy tales were all she ever knew when she was a little girl. It's hard to know when to grow up. Harder still to be an adult inside out. She keeps losing track. Keeps wasting away her time and her countless talents. She needs to be told by her spirit in the other world that time is of the essence and that every second must be spent usefully. She needs to be constantly reminded of her self worth because the scars of her past keep dragging her down, telling her she's a nobody.

And so, this story is about a girl and her spirit. It's about how they get to know each other and how this girl manages to build a strong connection with her spirit, hence helping her live in the best way possible.
It's a story about inner strength. A story about how important prayer is. How important it is to stay connected with the person inside. When your heart is in the right place, there is no fear you cannot face, no tear you cannot erase.

Also, to have the world in the palm of your hands, knowing yourself is all you must do.